Freedomain Radio

I just wanted to express my gratitude to everyone who attended the BBQ and to Stef and Christina for opening up their home to us.  As someone who's listened to many of the podcasts and lurked around the board and chat room now and then, I wanted to get a closer glimpse into what FDR is all about so I was eager to go.  I must say that I really enjoyed meeting the bunch of you and the conversations that went on. The honesty and depth of the interactions were very meaningful to me.  In many ways, it was like an in-person call in show, only a 1000 times better, and with food as well :)

Since I tend to experience a lot of anxiety in social situations I did not interact with people as much as I would have liked.  Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed the event overall, and am grateful for the interactions I did have. 

In attending the BBQ, I feel like I got to participate in sort of an oasis in the desert.  Now, unfortunately, I must return to the desolate land again.  Hopefully, I can begin to create my own oasis here at home.

So thanks again everyone, and I look forward to opportunities to meet you all again and other FDR people as well.

I just thought I'd add: for those of you who may be uncertain about attending FDR meetups in the future, I highly recommend you do.

I can't express how much I wish I could have come this year. I had to cancel on ordering my tickets the day I was going to... dang job :(

 I would have liked to have gone, but Toronto is somewhat too far for me. I'd appreciate hearing from some participants, though. Stef's excellent sense of fun that regularly overthrows the serious side of the podcasts would have made him a great host, I imagine. Some barbequed vicariousness, please!

To KevinV.

I apologize for not being curious about your comment and perspective on an issue we were talking about in the Niagara Falls restaurant. I was snappy and impatient. I should have ask questions like the following; How so? How come? Why? How?

Where did you get that?  I'm listening, please continue and the like.  I thank Karl, Jacea and Mikhail for helping me realize the behaviors I need to change.  I had the most enjoyable time ever at the FDR BBQ! Thank you!

Hey Richard,  I am really glad you brough this up.  I recall the comment I made.   It seems to me that I also lacked curiousity in that situation, as well as empathy.  My apologies.

Hi KevinV,

So now we may continue to share, exchange ideas and values to our mutual benefit.  Thanks for continuing the conversation.
Why do you consider yourself a "loner" as noted in your FDR profile?  Me it's all because I'm a minority of a minority.  I mean that on top of living FDR values, I'm a  lady stuck in a man's body - no kidding.......
I know I'm not alone like that.  I hide much of my female behavior from most straight people because I want to survive and be happy.  Actually I had to reign in my REAL me - [lady like behavior] when surrounded with even FDR BBQ attendees because I was too scared of making you and them uncomfortable with me. I think I was mostly born this way. It's just my lot, but I'm happy regardless. Still only in a predominantly queer context and environment do I feel most relaxed and myself completely.  Only if FDR members give me a clear go ahead will I be myself completely. I've been attacked verbally and physically too often before I discovered FDR, to mess up my relationships with you and others.
Despite all that, I'm still very grateful for you and FDR community for accepting me as a member.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Richard Deziel:

Why do you consider yourself a "loner" as noted in your FDR profile? 

I guess that has been more or less accurate about my life, especially when I was in high school.  I'm curious where I wrote it on here because I don't recall doing so?  Perhaps I mentioned it to you in our discussions.   Anyhow, I have always had trouble interacting with people throughout my life because of strong social anxiety.  Imagine having to do a speech in front of 100 or more people or whatever would make you nervous.  That is how I would feel having to interact with just a few people.  I have since improved myself to the point where I don't have nearly as much anxiety but it is still there to some degree and hinders me significantly.  Society offered me very little help and in fact often made it worse, so I guess I grew sort of resentful of the world.   I guess lacking any real connection with the world left me open to question it, and explore other ideas.  As such, I have always been a 'radical' in many ways.  So mostly, I kept only a few friends.  Now, I have more friends, but I've been finding that they are relationships that are extremely lacking.  Most of the people I hang out only are interested in talking about the usual mundane and boring things.  So I'm in the process of trying to find more meaningful relationships. 

Richard Deziel:

Me it's all because I'm a minority of a minority.  I mean that on top of living FDR values, I'm a  lady stuck in a man's body - no kidding.......
I know I'm not alone like that.  I hide much of my female behavior from most straight people because I want to survive and be happy.  Actually I had to reign in my REAL me - [lady like behavior] when surrounded with even FDR BBQ attendees because I was too scared of making you and them uncomfortable with me.  I think I was mostly born this way.. It's just my lot, but I'm happy regardless. Still only in a predominantly queer context and environment do I feel most relaxed and myself completely.  Only if FDR members give me a clear go ahead will I be myself completely. I've been attacked verbally and physically too often before I discovered FDR, to mess up my relationships with you and others.
Despite all that, I'm still very grateful for you and FDR community for accepting me as a member.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I'm really sorry that you had negative experiences with others and that you feel you can't be yourself.  I hope that you feel able to behave the way you that is most natural for you in the future.  It would not trouble me at all and I'm glad you are able to be happy despite your difficulties.

Richard Deziel:

I think I was mostly born this way.

If you haven't already, see this video by Stef.  He discusses a study on the topic which would perhaps be helpful to you.

Richard Deziel:

Why do you consider yourself a "loner" as noted in your FDR profile? 

Darn it! I'm so sorry. I must have mixed you up with a another person on the boards.

Richard Deziel:

I think I was mostly born this way.

KevinV:

If you haven't already, see this video by Stef.  He discusses a study on the topic which would perhaps be helpful to you.

Thanks for the info link. I actually talk with Stef about this in my second podcast shortly after my first one #1302. I forget exactly right now which podcast # it's in.  I know it's just a few weeks after # 1302.

Much of what Stef was referring to is from the book " Why men don't iron" which I think makes sense to me. 

I really appreciate you being straight with me and supporting me to be myself.  I'm looking forward to meeting and chating with you again.  Take care   Kevin.....

It is a tragedy for us all when those of us who are different are treated as outsiders to the "approved" human experience, in a way that narrows the definition of what it means to be human, intead of being treated in an accepting way that expands the definition - and so creates appreciable breathing room for everybody.