Freedomain Radio

I am disturbed about not being able to remember alot of my early child hood. Mostly my relationship with religion. The first time I remember being uncomfortable with religion is when I was at a preschool situation and people were praying to jesus. Now this made me upset because I thought I was supoused to pray to an all powerfull deity not to a Man. But not once do I remember questioning God until much later in life. I was not seriously into religion  and neither were my parents. It was kinda like a social club that was boring and that I never wanted to go to. I felt guilty for not wanting to go, but I never did think about why we were going. God did not mean much of anything to me than "Sky Daddy". I never questioned or I don't remember questioning it. I only started questioning things once I became fully immersed in Christianity.  

Does anyone have any similar experiences? I often hear remarks about children being able to see through religion, but I don't think I ever did. It wasn't like we ever talked about it 'til I was 11. 

i definately have had similar experiances, i for one never quiestioned it until i was a teenager, In my "Ward" i was the first person (turning19) in 5 years to not go on a 2 year mission for my church.  It really seems that nobody has really questioned it at all... it's kinda sad... nobody really seems to question it, at all.

I think I have similar experiences. Who are you as a little kid to question the wisdom of your parents in anything? I did remember always thinking at some point you would be told it was all a hoax like Santaclaus. FOOLED YOU!! This revelation would bring a sigh of relief and allow everyone to live on in harmony, some irrational hope from my side. I also noticed that most of the cool kids stopped going to church after a while, but the ones that had trouble getting along socially stayed in. At least jesus loved them. I noticed my own surprise as a few cool kids did stay in church or reverted from their cool ways, they were an exception that raised my curiosity. They looked like good ships leaving the harbor and then suddenly returned. The heavilly damaged ships never left the harbor and this did not surprise me, but some of the (to my judgement) decent vessels also returned. I guessed there were some heavy guns out at sea that made them return. I waited very long before sailing out, but I wait a long time with everything, even starting to speak, my first sentence was really advanced though, I was told.

For what it's worth, I have had this exact same issue for a long time. My wife has it far worse than I do.

I am finding the more time I spend in introspection about who I am and why I do the things I do, that more and more is coming back to me. It's difficult, but I think it does occur, you just have to be willing to give yourself time.

One thing that I've found very important is I have a wife and a chosen-brother who are on similar journeys as my own. Being able to talk to someone is very important, even if it's to a journal/diary, I think it could help. If you can't do that, a good therapist might be of use.

I guess my major point is, be patient with yourself. The memories are locked up in there, it is going to take quite some time for them to come back out.

pcrs:

 ...I also noticed that most of the cool kids stopped going to church after a while, but the ones that had trouble getting along socially stayed in. At least jesus loved them. I noticed my own surprise as a few cool kids did stay in church or reverted from their cool ways, they were an exception that raised my curiosity. They looked like good ships leaving the harbor and then suddenly returned. The heavilly damaged ships never left the harbor and this did not surprise me, but some of the (to my judgement) decent vessels also returned. I guessed there were some heavy guns out at sea that made them return. I waited very long before sailing out, but I wait a long time with everything, even starting to speak, my first sentence was really advanced though, I was told.

I find this insteresting, because what I have noticed here in utah is that the cool kids made fun of the church went to parties got drunk and so on but now that they are adults they are all coming back and going on missions (a mormon mission, these are the guys that knock on your door.) and now they put on this image of a typical mormon (clean cut, polite, friendly) ya know... those kind of people that are pretty much saying "oh hey there! I am a really good guy, just look at how well I socially conform" as they shake your hand.  So the people that you would have expected to not go on missions, or conform are the ones that did.

This shows two interesting things 1 it shows a visable correlation between people who are dependant on social approval and those who go back to the mormon church as they become adults. and 2 just how much lying goes on around here.  Supposedly if you were involved with drugs and had multipul sex partners there is almost no way you can go on a mission.  And I garentee you that these are a large chunk of the people that go.  The people that valued thier peers social aproval in high school now have to change them selves again to be approved of.

Utah is a messed up place, bankruptcy, pornography, and anti-depressant capital of the US, but you would never know it if you came here.

 that makes sense to me.  Parents force belifs on their kids in order to "set them right" but they really break there kids and create failures.  Then people point to those failures and use them as justification for the need to use violenc to set their kids straight.  And so on unto the sun splodes 

AdamInSin

What do you suspect would happen if you were to question your parents on the religious thing at the time? What would their reactions have been?

Remember119104:

those kind of people that are pretty much saying "oh hey there! I am a really good guy, just look at how well I socially conform" as they shake your hand.

It's a bit like those serial killers who find jesus after their conviction. Freightened of the monster they have become, they start showing the behavior that is considered good in the community.

Remember119104:

Utah is a messed up place, bankruptcy, pornography, and anti-depressant capital of the US, but you would never know it if you came here.

You often see with expats that they first praise the new country the live in, because it lacks the follies of the country they came from, but after about 5-8 years, they start to see the follies of the new place and have forgotten those of the old place. What often happens in the Netherlands is that foreigners say:'Oh it is such a tolerant place (looking at the drugs, prostitution and variety of races)'. Then later they find out many people don't give a shit about people around them but sell it as a virtue called 'tolerance'. Tolerance can also include:looking the other way if someone gets harrassed in the train. The smug tolerance marketing has taken a bit of a beating the last 5 years after some public figures got murdered and racism and bigotry are on the up. Not a nice athmosphere either, but at least it got rid of most of the finger wagging to foreigners about how they should run their countries. It is still common place though to look down ones nose regarding americans, like the danish guy Stef spoke of in podcast 1105. 'Dog eat dog capitalism, poor and sick dying in the street because their government does not take car of them'. When you propose freedom (you first have to explain what it is) inevitably you will be told that this is what they have in the USA, so that is not a good idea.

Probably a mixture of condescension, word twisting, and this strange tactict where they act like you are talking about killing kittens when you ask them things.

I've never personally had those experiences. My parents were always very devout catholics and I always questioned everything. However most people I know have the same experience you have had. Perhaps the difference for me was that I was thrown into the church from birth basically. Perhaps being forced into these kinds of situations at such a young age, I suppose I was more prone to question them. As you said, you didn't start to question them until you were immersed into them.

AdamInSin:

I am disturbed about not being able to remember alot of my early child hood. Mostly my relationship with religion. The first time I remember being uncomfortable with religion is when I was at a preschool situation and people were praying to jesus. Now this made me upset because I thought I was supoused to pray to an all powerfull deity not to a Man. But not once do I remember questioning God until much later in life. I was not seriously into religion  and neither were my parents. It was kinda like a social club that was boring and that I never wanted to go to. I felt guilty for not wanting to go, but I never did think about why we were going. God did not mean much of anything to me than "Sky Daddy". I never questioned or I don't remember questioning it. I only started questioning things once I became fully immersed in Christianity.  

 

Does anyone have any similar experiences? I often hear remarks about children being able to see through religion, but I don't think I ever did. It wasn't like we ever talked about it 'til I was 11. 

I don't know how old you are or whether you've de-FOOed yet, but if you are still in contact with your parents, ask them if they saved anything from your pre-school or elementary school years (like artwork, schoolwork, etc.). I am going through boxes of that kind of thing right now, and it has been rather enlightening to see the kinds of things I was exposed to along the way, both good and bad. I have a pretty good memory of childhood myself, but it was nice to have some help.