Freedomain Radio

I'm sorry for my late reply, and am very glad to hear that i've helped you. I'm currently in the process of breaking with some old friends myself and have been 'thinking in circles' in trying to understand conciously the dynamic of the relationship. The threats, the humiliation and manipulation and the explinations of what lead me to feel dependant on such friends. I feel talknig to you helps me understand myself. So, In what ways though do her reactions to your emotional honesty reflect those of your father? I'd be fascinated to hear more too about how a lack of contact with you will enable her to evolve? You touched on it before i know, but if this change is one towards emotional honesty and curiosity, then how will you avoiding situations wherein you can be curious about what they're going through help them to come to realisations about the way they live or think? Also, you say you doubt as to whether you will be as close as before (with this guy) Can you shed some light on which part of you thinks you

This translation you've written here, She's being completely bullying towards you. She calls you names, orders you about, denies your feelings . . . Can you go into what this lesson teaches you?

Again, thankyou in advance for waiting so long for a reply!

So, this time it took me a while too

It is all going so fast right now. Do you know the scene from "fear and loathing in Las Vegas" in which Johnny Depp is driving the car from LA though the desert to LV and has all the bats bothering him? That’s me right now. My true-self is driving like crazy with 210km/h +, my ego (hitchhiker) is sitting scared in the back and the lawyer on the front seat is the mediator between them and tries to get all down that the true-self suddenly decided to pursue, which is constantly nerved by ghosts (bats) from the past that fly into his sight. Some month back I was asking my therapist if she would see any progress at all because I wouldn’t. And now it’s the reverse. I am complaining that it all goes so fast. While in spring time one or two doors opened per month I am now rushing through them. I barely notice the color of the wallpaper of the room before I stumble through the next door into another room and so on and so forth. There is absolutely nothing delicate about it but the outcome is the same.

Okay, so your questions...

Tom:

So, In what ways though do her reactions to your emotional honesty reflect those of your father

I am not sure if I understand your question correct but I will give it a try. My father would tell me beside a million other things that I was crazy, a failure, a coward, oversensitive and everything was my fault until I believed it and beyond of that. This former friend used the same source to attack me. Also: calm down, watch your mouth, it is your fault that I feel xyz. And just tonight I found another favorite one of my father “don’t halloo till you're out of wood" . This basically meant that I shouldn't feel happy because he will make my life a hell for sure again soon or later. Is this what you meant with your question?

Tom:

I'd be fascinated to hear more too about how a lack of contact with you will enable her to evolve?

Actually, I have to correct myself. If I would have decided to leave her for her own good ( to heeeelp her ) I would have left for the wrong reason. I just got a short message from her again, asking me if I was mad at her and I contemplated. Am I mad at her? No.  *wisper* I am simply - bored. I was in plain relationships for several reasons and punished myself with bore-doom in addition. I left for my own good and I don't think that this will have any effect on her. The possibility is one out of 1000. Life is too short to waste time on people who are (...looking for the word...) for whom you are merely a distraction from their selves. These drama people have to keep the rollercoaster going because down time would make them feel anxious. With people like this you will always have earthquakes, fire and putsches on the first page of the newspaper of you life but never the chance for peace of mind because it is designated as "boring". And what is the case for a lot of propaganda is that in fact the opposite is true. Follow the benefit...

Tom:

but if this change is one towards emotional honesty and curiosity, then how will you avoiding situations wherein you can be curious about what they're going through help them to come to realizations about the way they live or think?

Well, first honesty to yourself, not? Why are you hanging out with them? How do you feel hanging out with them? Who benefits from you "helping" them what they are “going through"? Are they actually going through something at all? My drama friends always had problems and not only one at a time and they were all self created because they weren't living their own values if they had any and they acted in a very destructive way. Mostly in terms towards themselves ( the "victims") or  towards others ( the "bullies") or both alternating. And .... the destruction increased the older they became.

Are you sitting on a fence right now? You don't have to go and "spam" them with your honesty I would say. Let them know where are you standing in this world but let them come their way. If they want realizations in their lives they know who to ask for help. You cannot force them to want realizations. This would be like trying to wake them up from a dream and ending up with a sleepwalker. I don't think you can will the point of awakening into their lives nor is there any way to change people in general. ... I kind of go off track here I guess, what was the question again? Would you like to give me a little bit of a backround of one of your relationships your are thinking about in particular?

Tom:

Can you go into what this lesson teaches you?

I figured out that "victims" can be as harmful as the "bullies"

haha, I just found the part of the movie I was talking about earlier....