The podcasts I have been listening to recently have had a deep and resounding connection for me (namely 1068 worshiping lovers,1096 interviewing for management, 1097 blame guilt and history, 1099 optimism and history). However, I had a particularly cool experience listening to 1102: Honesty and Appologies that I wanted to share.
I listened to this podcast in two parts because of it's massive size. The first half was while flying home (thursday) and the second was yesterday while driving home (friday). I don't remember exactly where I left the first half, but it was definitely before the big breakthrough and there had been discussion on how the answer had to come from the community digging deep cause Stef didn't know the answer.
After getting home and relaxing with Rachel for a little while I told her how this podcast, while long, was really interesting cause of the level of intellegence and discussion that was occuring. Then we left to pick her cousin up at the train station, chatting about other things on the way there. We had to wait for while for the train to arrive and I started talking to her about why I left FDR for a year or two.
I was telling her about my experience of returning: how i don't feel behind (like i had missed a year of school) and how I feel like I have a lot to offer because of my experience of being away. I told her about how I felt like the quality of the discussion had improved (which excited me) and how it was great to see more of a balance of female listeners in the discussion as well.
Then I started talking about why I had left. I told her I felt like I had needed some space to relax into my new self and how I felt like there was a sense of urgency to push forward. At the time I left, i had dropped religion, and the state (two huge forces in my life up until then) and had started working on the family. I felt like there was an sense of urgency to de-foo, like I couldn't be happy until I did. I know my thinking agreed but emotionally I was not ready. I had gotten to a point of minimal interaction with my parents and I felt more free than i had ever. I think i left so that I could grow emotionally with myself and just live my new found freedom.
I told all this to Rachel and didn't think about it again until the next day when I finished the podcast on my commute home and realized my brain had figured out the answer to the podcast for me. it just had figured it out on it's own and given me the info i needed to understand it completely!!!! this was an amazing realization for me. Rachel thought it was pretty cool too.
Back to my experience with the content of the podcast: I felt like at the time I had left that I was doing the wrong thing, but I knew it was the right thing to do for me. I feel great now that I did it and this podcast really helped me understand that choice and has given me more confidence to trust my intuition in the future.
Thank you to everyone who was on that call for the huge effort in honesty!
Two additional points I think I should make: I wish at the time I had had the skillset of RTR so that I could have expressed all this to Stef and the community while it was happening for me. In the podcast Stef mentioned that Ash's breakthrough was an end to a few months of stress for him. It was similar for me but and end to a few years of stress! I as well feel more enthusiastic and loving than ever before.
Point two is that I am so glad that I came back and I'm so glad to be a part of this discussion again.