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Latest post 08-04-2008 4:14 PM by Ned. 6 replies.
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  • 08-02-2008 7:26 AM

    • Ned
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-22-2006
    • Chicago
    • Posts 2,579
    • Philosopher King

    1102: The brain is a magical place

    The podcasts I have been listening to recently have had a deep and resounding connection for me (namely 1068 worshiping lovers,1096 interviewing for management, 1097 blame guilt and history, 1099 optimism and history). However, I had a particularly cool experience listening to 1102: Honesty and Appologies that I wanted to share.

    I listened to this podcast in two parts because of it's massive size. The first half was while flying home (thursday) and the second was yesterday while driving home (friday). I don't remember exactly where I left the first half, but it was definitely before the big breakthrough and there had been discussion on how the answer had to come from the community digging deep cause Stef didn't know the answer.

    After getting home and relaxing with Rachel for a little while I told her how this podcast, while long, was really interesting cause of the level of intellegence and discussion that was occuring. Then we left to pick her cousin up at the train station, chatting about other things on the way there. We had to wait for while for the train to arrive and I started talking to her about why I left FDR for a year or two.

    I was telling her about my experience of returning: how i don't feel behind (like i had missed a year of school) and how I feel like I have a lot to offer because of my experience of being away. I told her about how I felt like the quality of the discussion had improved (which excited me) and how it was great to see more of a balance of female listeners in the discussion as well.

    Then I started talking about why I had left. I told her I felt like I had needed some space to relax into my new self and how I felt like there was a sense of urgency to push forward. At the time I left, i had dropped religion, and the state (two huge forces in my life up until then) and had started working on the family. I felt like there was an sense of urgency to de-foo, like I couldn't be happy until I did. I know my thinking agreed but emotionally I was not ready. I had gotten to a point of minimal interaction with my parents and I felt more free than i had ever. I think i left so that I could grow emotionally with myself and just live my new found freedom.

    I told all this to Rachel and didn't think about it again until the next day when I finished the podcast on my commute home and realized my brain had figured out the answer to the podcast for me. it just had figured it out on it's own and given me the info i needed to understand it completely!!!! this was an amazing realization for me. Rachel thought it was pretty cool too.

    Back to my experience with the content of the podcast: I felt like at the time I had left that I was doing the wrong thing, but I knew it was the right thing to do for me. I feel great now that I did it and this podcast really helped me understand that choice and has given me more confidence to trust my intuition in the future.

    Thank you to everyone who was on that call for the huge effort in honesty!

    Two additional points I think I should make: I wish at the time I had had the skillset of RTR so that I could have expressed all this to Stef and the community while it was happening for me. In the podcast Stef mentioned that Ash's breakthrough was an end to a few months of stress for him. It was similar for me but and end to a few years of stress! I as well feel more enthusiastic and loving than ever before.

    Point two is that I am so glad that I came back and I'm so glad to be a part of this discussion again.

    Let's Get Vulnerable!

    Freedomain Radio Books

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  • 08-02-2008 9:09 AM In reply to

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

    Thanks very much, that is very interesting, and I certainly do appreciate you posting it...

    Was there a moment that helped you decide to return?


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  • 08-02-2008 12:36 PM In reply to

    • Ned
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-22-2006
    • Chicago
    • Posts 2,579
    • Philosopher King

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

    Stef, I have been thinking about it and I think the reason I decided to return was when I was getting very serious with Rachel. It was a big life choice for me and I couldn't think of a better place to go for support. I think my time away was very instrumental in me being ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. It felt like it was time to return and continue.

    I came to the chat room and talked with you on the phone which prompted a post on the boards. I received mixed feedback on that post which put a damper on my enthusiasm for a little while but now i feel comfortable with fdr as a regular part of my life.

    I also think the next step for me is de-foo'ing completely and it is something that i know Rachel is struggling with as well. I think for me it may be coming quite soon, which is both exciting and scary.

    Let's Get Vulnerable!

    Freedomain Radio Books

  • 08-03-2008 8:16 AM In reply to

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

     Thanks -- what is going on with your family at the moment? And what about Rachel, what is her attitude to and relationship with philosophy?


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  • 08-03-2008 6:59 PM In reply to

    • Ned
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-22-2006
    • Chicago
    • Posts 2,579
    • Philosopher King

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

    Well, my Dad has been out to visit a couple times this summer so he has met Rachel but my mom still hasn't (which is causing a fair bit of anxiety in my mom). He had a couple trips to Indianapolis and spent a few hours of layover time having lunch with us and hanging out a bit. It's been nice and relaxed but pretty boring and kind of hard to come up with things to do and talk about if the time goes beyond say 3 hours. Rachel and I are planning a long weekend labor day weekend visiting my parents in boston. We spent memorial day weekend with her parents for her cousin's wedding. I spent mother's day weekend in New York CIty with my mom going to art museums. It was awesome to be in the city but by the second day we were working up some tension and it didn't exactly end very relaxed. We talk every week or every two weeks on the phone. I hardly ever talk to my dad on the phone. Before may I spent 5 or 7 days in boston with them for christmas. I really don't want to do thanksgiving or christmas with them which I feel like is going to be a very stressful decision. Rachel is in the same boat with not wanting to do the holidays with her parents, and we are so excited about the possibility of doing the holidays just ourselves. It's like so obvious what would be best to do but so hard to actually do it.

    Rachel and philosophy? I'm not exactly sure what the answer to this question should look like but in a general sense she is very honest with herself and with me. She's not a statist and is an atheist. She recently has been doing some tough but fantastic introspection on her childhood and family (spoiler: childhood was not such a great experience). I gave her RTR to read and she blew through it in a few days and we have been using it to great success. Our quality of communication has been incredable and we are feeling the closest we ever have. thanks for that book! I share podcasts with her every now and then when i think she'll enjoy them and she does. she's also funny and cute and makes me incredably happy. I had no idea life could get this great and we are both excited about how much better and deeper it can get. it kind of blows my mind. did you have anything specific that you want to know about her?

    Let's Get Vulnerable!

    Freedomain Radio Books

  • 08-04-2008 9:18 AM In reply to

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

    No, nothing in particular -- thanks for your reply -- although I think it would be fascinating to have her call into a Sunday show one day, because I would very much like to hear what it is like for someone to be dating a philosopher...Smile

    I didn't understand exactly why not visiting you or meeting Rachel was causing anxiety in your mother...


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  • 08-04-2008 4:14 PM In reply to

    • Ned
    • Top 10 Contributor
    • Joined on 02-22-2006
    • Chicago
    • Posts 2,579
    • Philosopher King

    Re: 1102: The brain is a magical place

    well i'm sure she would be happy to chat sometime.

     

    Rachel and I have been dating for almost a year and my mom still hasn't met her. In my mom's eyes this is causing a great deal of anticipation and anxiety...which is kind of freaking out Rachel...which could entirely be the point. mom is also the last one in both families to meet us as a couple....which could be part of it (?). Honestly it baffles me why it is such a big deal.

    My dad told me on the phone when we were planning his final afternoon layover visit that mom wants to meet rachel before the labor day visit to relieve tension so that the "big" labor day visit is not as stressfull....for everyone of course. I told dad that that was rediculous and that managing mom's anxiety has become a burden for me. He agreed with me but said that it is best just to go along with her because it makes life better in the long run...that makes sense for him but I'm not married to her.

    the trip being about a month away stress levels are rising and i'm just about ready to pull the plug on the whole thing. I really don't care if Rachel meets my mom but it would be nice to spend the weekend showing her the Boston area.

     UPDATE:

    I thought of something else: Rachel's own mom has been trying to stress her out about this visit as well. She gave her a call a week ago after "finding out" that she's going to meet my mom. she told rachel that she wants her to come home (6-7 hours away) before going so that she can have her get her hair and nails done professionally before the trip. This has really been bothering Rachel as well it should...and it wasn't really helped when her dad explained it as: "well you know your hair and nails are usually kind of grubby".

    Seems like everyone wants to stress Rachel out about it. We have been talking about what would be best to do. Not going is becoming the best option.

    Parents are so crazy. It's amazing what will trigger the craziness too.

    Let's Get Vulnerable!

    Freedomain Radio Books

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