Freedomain Radio

 Why is it like this for me?

recently, I was told about my great grandmother being a gypsy-type. it was my "mother" who described her nature to me. she said that my great grandma would move around alot when she was younger. i understand that she would live with a man for a little while each time and then move on...i dont know why my "mother" thought that was important to tell me...like, now i think i come from an even more messed up blood line than i thought.

and then i began to think...i do usually get ansy living in one place for too long. it gets boring for me to wake up in the same place day in and day out. i like adventure...but i thought it was a good thing till i found out my great grandma was basically whoring herself for a room.

and i feel my personality feeding off new places. i love to learn and see new things...they become a part of me. does this mean my personality will always change...will i never be capible of a stable relationship if this is the road i'm headed on?

I'm not sure that in reality the "sins" of the parents -- or in this case, the great grandparents -- get visited upon the children genetically... That seems a little too close to the idea of "original sin" to me, and has no basis in any science that I am aware of.

Ashe, when I read your post I felt a sense of helplessness or frustration.

Can you tell me what you were feeling when you wrote this?

Sometimes we think too much about blood line and forget about ourselves.  If what your mother said about your great grandmother is true then maybe it is also true that she didn't have all the "class" that we wish we all had, however this doesn't say much about your "class" just your grandmother's.  If you find yourself liking to see and learn new things then your tendency to love "life on the road" is because of what you love (new things) and not because you need to "whore yourself out for a room".  If you were unable to sustain a relationship because of this specific trait then surely all adventurous outgoing people are doomed, but we know that isn't the case.  I'm fairly confident in asserting that adventurous people can certainly be compatible in relationships.

 yeah sure, i was sitting here alone out in the country feeling very safe. (i found a place to stay for a few days) i was considering what on earth could possibly come between me and this peaceful feeling. i realized it would have to be a damaging relationship that could draw me out of my own comfort. that's usually my first resort when i feel the anxiety of being by myself.  

so to answer ur question nate, i was feeling safe and sad that i might lose the feeling...anxiety was there but very light.

thanks for your reply. it was very helpful.

I thought about this today...our link may only be the apreciation for change...new things...a passion for life in general. That is the only thing i can come up with.  Can I also blame my Greek heritage? lol.

ashe:

 Why is it like this for me?

recently, I was told about my great grandmother being a gypsy-type. it was my "mother" who described her nature to me. she said that my great grandma would move around alot when she was younger. i understand that she would live with a man for a little while each time and then move on...i dont know why my "mother" thought that was important to tell me...like, now i think i come from an even more messed up blood line than i thought.and then i began to think...i do usually get ansy living in one place for too long. it gets boring for me to wake up in the same place day in and day out. i like adventure...but i thought it was a good thing till i found out my great grandma was basically whoring herself for a room.

and i feel my personality feeding off new places. i love to learn and see new things...they become a part of me. does this mean my personality will always change...will i never be capible of a stable relationship if this is the road i'm headed on?

Sounds to me that you r "mother" is expert at manipulating you and decided to reign in your independent nature, you think she just "remembered" this "story" about your Great-Grandmother and for no reason decided to tell you?

MarkIX:

ashe:

 Why is it like this for me?

recently, I was told about my great grandmother being a gypsy-type. it was my "mother" who described her nature to me. she said that my great grandma would move around alot when she was younger. i understand that she would live with a man for a little while each time and then move on...i dont know why my "mother" thought that was important to tell me...like, now i think i come from an even more messed up blood line than i thought.and then i began to think...i do usually get ansy living in one place for too long. it gets boring for me to wake up in the same place day in and day out. i like adventure...but i thought it was a good thing till i found out my great grandma was basically whoring herself for a room.

and i feel my personality feeding off new places. i love to learn and see new things...they become a part of me. does this mean my personality will always change...will i never be capible of a stable relationship if this is the road i'm headed on?

 

 

Sounds to me that you r "mother" is expert at manipulating you and decided to reign in your independent nature, you think she just "remembered" this "story" about your Great-Grandmother and for no reason decided to tell you?

 

 

 Yeah, that makes sense...I am baffled by everything this lady says to me bcause there is no logic...she talks to hear herself and to watch what people's faces do in reaction...most of the time those stories are how she acquires her next bedmate.

One of the biggest problems i have is storytelling too. I dont make up extravangent outlandish stories like she does but i dont always have a firm grip on what the truth is...unless im talking with an fdr-er...of course. If you listen to my july 1st convo with stef you;ll hear the  beginings of my self awareness with this problem....

i think im improving since then....so thanks stef!