Freedomain Radio

Last night I was at a gathering of around ten people sitting around a campfire. I had a conversation with an older woman, wherein she stated that war stimulates the economy. I respectfully disagreed and continued the conversation, until she got frustrated and said, "Oh, well you're young and you'll learn this eventually...", completely disregarding everything I had to say as a young person's naive babble. And if that wasn't insulting enough, she continued on the subject of war and defended the people who dropped the bombs on Japan. I was appalled that someone would out-and-out defend genocide with the sickening argument, "Who attacked us first at Pearl Harbor?". What was even worse was that not a single person in the entire group agreed with me, or said out loud that it was correct when I said it was wrong to commit genocide! Then one of the women that works at my chiropractor's office called me over to her, to get me to stop the conversation, and proceeded to tell me that everything is subjective. She has her opinion and I have mine. I just sat there shocked, feeling extremely vulnerable. Eventually she sat somewhere else and I looked around the fire. Everyone had moved away from me, like I had some sort of contagious disease, leaving about ten feet of free space on either side of me. I could not stop tears from falling down my face and I'm pretty sure I reverted back to how I felt when I was younger, when I knew that someone was telling me lies, but not sure how to defeat or expose it. It was then I realized that I could not subject myself to this company any longer. No one wanted the truth. No one was willing to speak up against the most horrible crime humans have committed, and I felt alone and angry about how I was being treated. I left the gathering and realized, seeing it first hand, how explosive these ideas are and wishing that I were better at explaining them. The woman walked back to the house and hugged me on the porch (from which I felt sick to my stomach), telling me that she didn't mean to upset me or argue. I told her, "I just can't agree with or defend genocide." She said, "Me either dear", with a somewhat shocked look on her face, as if she did not know that genocide was what we were talking about. With that she walked in the house to go to bed. I left the place shortly after and went home.

When I arrived home I was very upset because I thought about how much of a "red pill" FDR and these ideas truly are. I can't go back, and I'm scared.

I applaud you all for what you do, say and face here and for damn sure, out in this world. It's huge.

~Crystal

I've been in this same situation quite a number of times, indeed it is quite explosive to say the least.    Most relationships if not all will not survive this transition.  People want to continue pretending that the mines they navigate around so flawlessly do not exist, thus it is not as if they do not understand these concepts but rather avoid them at all costs.  You are to be applauded as well for daring to speak the truth.

 Thank you Nathan. For the first time, I feel completely willing to leave these relationships and "friendship circles" behind, and for the first time, knowing exactly why. I see a lot of work ahead of me.

Deepest empathy, Crystal. There's nothing more horrible than being surrounded by nasty, insane people. I think what gets me through those lonely moments is that I will eventually get people in my life that do care about the truth and they will care about what I have to say. I think it is a great prize for continuing to be who you really are and not giving that up to anyone.

Thats a really horrible situation, something we all face at one time or another I think. It is sometimes easy to forget how much we have changed and these situations really jerk us back into the reality of the world we live in.

This made me cry.  I feel for you.

It is a terrible thing to be right...

 Thanks for the words of encouragement Stef, Ash & Robert!

 Just a small update since this situation...

I didn't have any dreams that I remembered, until last night. They were quite telling about the process I'm going through right now.

One was of my sister and myself being put in a women's camp. I was trying to think why I was put there, or if I had done anything to be herded into this place, but nothing was coming up, so I was confused. There were activities and such, but it was almost as if the only reason they had us "learning things" was to keep our mind off our captivity. I was looking around at all the other ladies in the camp and how there were mindlessly chatting about non-consequential topics and laughing... acting as if they were having a great time in the absence of their freedom. I was thinking, "Doesn't any of them realize this is not their choice to be here? Don't they know this is forced association?" I felt as though they did know, but they all just ignored it and went about (what they thought was) their business.

There was another, but this was by far the most interesting to me.

Is there anyone else who is experiencing dreams like this?

Crystal

Do you suspect the dream is somehow related to your experiences on being alone in crowds? I have had a few dreams around this subject (one I posted on the board a long time ago).

Did you say that your sister joined your in this woman's camp? I'm curious as to your relation with your sister.

 I'm actually not totally sure why she was there with me. But she certainly wasn't thinking the same things I was in the dream.

My relationship with my sister is probably one of the most difficult for me to deal with in all this. She has never been abusive towards me. She is a very shy, scared person, in my view. She will never say anything to "hurt someone's feelings", and is very complacent, which for me is hard to respect, but I think it's because I have a lot to do in that area as well. I view her as a victim, but that could be a manipulation tactic. I'm not sure. She was the only one in my life that took the journey out of religion and the idea of god with me, so I have a lot of respect for her about that.

The other problem I have with her is she's engaged to her first boyfriend ever, and it's been around 7 years now they've been together. He's a cop. Well, now he's a CSI detective, but he's still the typical cop. Thinks he's doing the community a huge service, "catching the bad guys". It's disgusting. I never have to see him, which works for me, but it's hard because I don't understand what my sister is doing with him. I think she's way too smart for him, but obviously not. Potential is what I see in her, but she is free to do what she wants, and I'm gonna need to figure out what I'll do for me in regards to her and my relationship. If I need to let it go, I'm willing to, but it's the hardest for me, cause I've been closest to her out of anyone in my family.

Does anyone have a sibling and this kind of relationship with him or her? 

  Oh, and to answer your question about the crowds, I do think that was related to my experience of feeling alone in my thoughts that evening, but not physically being alone. I felt the account of the women chatting like cows standing in a fenced field chewing their cud together. That's how it came off to me. None of them wanted to acknowledge the “fence” existed. 

 Hey Crystal,

  I am really sorry to hear about your experience.  Yeah, this stuff will do that to you.  A few weeks ago, one of my "best friends" returned from Australia.  He ditched me three times (we were supposed to hang out and he didn't call).  Then he spent about an hour badmouthing me to my ex-girlfriend at the bar before asking her out for coffee.   My opinions are just too strong to hang out with him and his friends. 

It is really super shitty, but this sort of purging is really for the best.  Life is short and it isn't worth surrounding yourself with ignorant people and people who will not accept you for who you are.

Sorry to say, in my experience, it doesn't get any easier. I just tend to avoid those situations now.  Or, if I have to, I use the "against me" argument. 

Hope you feel better today.

Dave

 Wow. That's a bummer David. It really is surprising how much emotion we tie into people around us, even if, and maybe especially if they are validating our false self for the sake of "self confidence".

It really seems like you don't even have to try much to get people like that out of your life, although I'm certainly not even halfway into dealing with the emotional side of this, with just a few friends out of my life, and on my way to it with my dad and brother. It seems as though all you have to do is start acting healthy and things will happen naturally, as far as who wants to be around you. That's not at all to say it's easy, but boy... people really show you some ugly colors when you start exploring the nature of reality, and what it says about social ‘norms’ and especially our families.

I'm sorry. Maybe it's in a podcast I haven't heard yet. What is the "against me" argument? Could you explain that for me please?

Crystal

Crystal:

My relationship with my sister is probably one of the most difficult for me to deal with in all this. She has never been abusive towards me. She is a very shy, scared person, in my view. She will never say anything to "hurt someone's feelings", and is very complacent, which for me is hard to respect, but I think it's because I have a lot to do in that area as well. I view her as a victim, but that could be a manipulation tactic. I'm not sure.

I wonder why she turned out that way. What was her relationship to your parents like growing up compared to yours?

Crystal:

She was the only one in my life that took the journey out of religion and the idea of god with me, so I have a lot of respect for her about that.

That's fantastic. Have you talked to her about the things we discuss here at FDR, the family specifically? I think I know the answer to that given the rest of your post, but I'd like a clarification on that.

Crystal:

Does anyone have a sibling and this kind of relationship with him or her? 

I'm an only child myself, but many of the regulars here who have defooed came from families with siblings. Many of them had to leave the siblings behind because those siblings just could not be reached.