Freedomain Radio

http://mylifeasiseeit.wordpress.com/2008/06/23/real-time-relationships/

Real-Time-Relationships June 23, 2008

I have a friend who recommended I read a book called “Real Time Relationships” written by Stefan Molyneux. Since I love to read and love reading recommendations, I was excited to read this book! It was very interesting because in many ways it discussed the types of relationships I have had in the past and the type of relationship that I long for in the future. In the past, many times, my relationships have lacked honesty in regards to myself, the other person, and the relationship. Here are some of the things that I (re)learned from reading this book, I suggest that everyone read it!:

1. Genuine Love cannot exist apart from honesty. In order for love to be genuine, it must be an accurate assessment of particular traits within another human being. If the person that we claim to love constantly lies to us or acts contrary to the way we believe that they are, we are not loving that person, but rather, whatever perceptions we have of that person. There have been so many times in relationships that I wish I would have seen someone for how they really were and not how i hoped they would be.

2. Actions Speak Louder than Words. It is so important that we break the habit of listening to people’s words rather than regarding their actions.

3. You cannot change another person. Our goal should be to help one another achieve noble goals that we already arrived at the relationship already committed to pursuing. You don’t set my goals, I don’t set yours, but i do all that i can to help you achieve them and vice versa. When we treat people as objects to be fixed, it is not about them, it is about us. It is far less uncomfortable to improve others than to actually improve ourselves.

4. Relationships are fundamentally defined by reciprocity. Intimacy requires that both parties feel free to speak their minds, commit to listening, and strive to understand each other. Generosity creates certainty. Giving 150% of yourself-even beyond your own comfort zone, quickly highlights any deficiencies in reciprocity from your partner. I can think of a million times when I have given all of who I am and received nothing in return, rather than stop giving, i kept on giving and didn’t stop to think that the relationship was one-sided.

5. Stop Acting Like a Slave (in regards to relationships, work, or anything for that matter).

“Slaves are not allowed to tell the truth. Slaves are not allowed to offend their masters. Slaves are not allowed to express preferences. Slaves must always manage their masters. Slaves must always be on guard. Slaves must always shy away from punishment. Slaves must always fear their fellow slaves. Slaves are not allowed to feel curiosity. Slaves are not allowed to feel genuine emotion. Slaves can only react to propaganda. So if you don’t want to be a slave, stop acting like a slave.”

There was a part towards the end of the book which really hit home for me….he was talking about the disappointment he felt when a girl did not call him back…here was some insight he had into the situation:

“It become clear to me over time that i was not disappointed in the fact that the girl had not called me, but rather i was frightened by my desire for a girl who would not call me. I chose her in a bar because she was very pretty. I ignored the fact that she was quite rude and constantly looking around while i was talking to her. I ignored the fact that she had abruptly got up and talked to a friend of hers for 20 minutes, leaving me alone, twiddling my thumbs and wondering whether i should stay or go. I ignored the fact that she gave me a scant smile when i asked her for her number and said: “why don’t you just give me your number instead.” In other words, the reality was that i was disappointed in myself, not in the girl. And I was afraid. Why was I afraid? Well, I was afraid because I was putting my heart in danger. I was afraid because, by choosing women who were obviously not very nice, based entirely on their looks, i was putting myself in considerable danger. Not just in terms of disappointment, but in terms of getting into a relationship with a cold, selfish, and manipulative woman–and God forbid, having children with her-which could truly ruin my entire life. Negative feelings are designed to protect you.”

How true is that?

All this to say, read the book. It is good, insightful, and it will help you to see what you have been doing wrong. Not for the sake of just seeing it, but so that you can change it….in order to have honest, authentic, genuinely, deep relationships….because you and I both deserve it.

my response

Thanks so much for your kind review, I am very glad that you enjoyed the book — just a reminder for anyone who is interested, it is available for free in PDF and audio book format at http://www.freedomainradio.com/free

Best wishes!

Awesome review.  I'm currently reading this book and it has been an enriching experience to say the least.

This was really awesome to read Stef!

I listened again in one day about a week ago.

When we light our candle we ignite the sun!

Just finished this book as well. One of the best I've ever read, honestly. I will be passing it on to my girlfriend and a few other family members to read for sure!

That absolutely warms my heart, thank you so much for your kind words my friends!