Freedomain Radio

http://freedomainradio.com/board/files/folders/gold_podcasts/entry93593.aspx

Greg and I use the concepts of the "real-time relationship" to work through a conflict we had about the editing of my new book on UPB...

Gold+ 

I have been enslaving myself to debate with hostile and cruel people who can't be reasoned with.  I think I get what you really mean now by real freedom is the freedom to not be right.

After you advised me to stop or try the real time thing I gave up.

As for the rest of the podcast, why is it that I don't critique and nitpick your work as skeptically as Greg does despite having come from such similar family backgrounds?

Why is it that instead of doing that, I accept it, understand it, then sort of completely ignore it, the brilliant advise based on it, and everything?  What I mean by that, for instance, is enslaving myself to debate with hostile people who understand but simply reject it, create straw men and justify their rejection by attacking the strawmen.

It's like in action I either think you are wrong, or I am testing your theory empirically (or a little of both) wheras Greg tests your theory in the abstract of critique.

It's like he's testing it abstractly, I'm testing it empirically which is like testing gravity by jumping out of a plane without a parachute or at best testing whether fire is hot by burning my finger.

What is wrong with me?
 

This was an interesting conversation as always.

I wonder what my response to the book will be. I can't wait to find out.

I think it's that I'm terrified of acting on it.  I'm terrified of the loneliness that would entail, or rather the recognition that I am alone.  I'm terrified, I don't know what I will do, I'll be bored to tears, I'll be forced to stop engaging in the kind of vice that makes me feel euphoric, the vice that - temporarily - takes me away from the pain of the unhappiness I already feel.  I'll have to do something really hard and I'm almost too exhausted to do it, I'm afraid of it.  I'm afraid that if I do it I won't be happy there either.  What's ridiculous is, what's the harm in trying? I mean if it really doesn't work the worst thing that could happen is I go back to my old way of doing things.  But I'm afraid I'll just screw things up even more, that the euphoria of vices make me happier than acting on any of this UPB stuff.

It's like I'm this slave, and I'm afraid of freedom because I don't know what I will do once I am free.  I'm afraid I'll die of starvation. How can anyone be happy if they don't drink, how can anyone be happy with a woman who is virtuous but isn't all that hot because she's older or because maybe she won't do the kinds of things I really like, how can anyone be happy if they can't be free to smoke joints?

Is that f'd up or what?  It's a depressing catch 22 to me.  It sucks.  You know what else it feels like? It feels like the same old Christian anti-desire morality that was inflicted on me as a child, I think that is probably what makes it really sickening for me.