Freedomain Radio

Now I lay me down in dreamland
I know perfect's not for real
I thought we might get closer
But I'm ready to make a deal.

-Neal Peart

Quite applicable to several points from the ages of infancy through my teen years...

• "Dreamland" being the occasional fall back to Christian fantasy or fantasy in general.
• "Not perfect" being the false dichotomy of cruel vs kind, "closer" being hopes that they would change and respect me as a human being.
• "The deal" being a loss of will to have my own personality - accepting obedience and power as the only virtues as false as they may be - an inescapable situation. Stockholm syndrome in the end, blaming of self to idealize the captors - to idealize the accidental biological cage.
  

Nietzsche describes the slave in revolt morality in his brilliant analysis of Christianity, but Christianity itself is just a metaphor for the slave morality of the family.   Niel Peart unconsciously describes this same slave in revolt morality with the state, but the state itself is also just a metaphor for the slave morality of the family.

When I read these lines, what invoked the most intense emotional reaction in me was the use of this same, "on queue", robotic line that we hear so often in the defense of cruelty, enslavement, coercion, manipulation and violence  - "they weren't perfect", "the system isn't perfect", "they did the best they could", "it is the best we can do".

"Perfection" has nothing to do with cruel vs. kind. We do not excuse rapists with calls to their lack of "perfection".  We do not excuse mass murderers for their lack of perfection.  I am "doing the best I can" by not using the concept of perfection to excuse brutality.  I am "doing the best I can" by not breaking bread with the corrupt, with those who blame the victim, with those who did exploit me and those want to exploit me.

I have my own dark side, I have my own "inner bastard", but that I am "imperfect" is irrelevant.  I'm not looking for perfection, I'm not looking for idealism, I'm looking for freedom. The freedom to acknowledge the truth of my having been exploited, the truth that we live in a society where violence and exploitation is not only excused but often praised.  I am looking for the freedom to tell the truth of how the helplessness of all of that exploitation has given me my own terrible capacity to exploit and hurt others.

I am looking for freedom, freedom from this mass illusion of unchosen obligations.  Soon - soon I will have broken every single one of these psychological and mythological chains that bind me.  Soon I will finally - finally be free at last.

The reason for this being posted? it sounds pretty straightforward with nothing much to comment on to me

KF, what did you feel when you read this?

Kingdom Fall:

The reason for this being posted?

Interpretation of lyrics by Rush drummer Niel Peart...

it sounds pretty straightforward with nothing much to comment on to me

What about this was "straightforward"?  Like David asked, what did you feel when you read this post? What were you feeling when you posted your response?

I was feeling like Nathan was posting this for a reason, maybe about himself? and so I asked what the reason for this was. The second sentence was I guess just something to make the sentence longer to try and make my badly made question look a bit better. I had just posted on the thread http://freedomainradio.com/board/forums/thread/96460.aspx and after making what I thought was a good post telling people to focus back on the previous topic of Caz's post I found out she is no longer on this board so I was feeling embarrassed. What I really meant was did something happen to Nathan that made him want to post this? Or was this just something he felt like doing at a whim? I'm only 16

Kingdom Fall:

I was feeling like Nathan was posting this for a reason, maybe about himself?

That isn't a feeling, thats a story. What did you feel?

ash:

Kingdom Fall:

I was feeling like Nathan was posting this for a reason, maybe about himself?

That isn't a feeling, thats a story. What did you feel?

I was feeling sad and embarrassed at the time and when I saw the title for this post it looked like something interesting. When I saw his post I think I got a little more depressed. I felt a little angry too at the post's reference to Christianity because I completely block the thought of something like god existing and so much talk about Christianity in the post offended me.

Kingdom Fall:

ash:

Kingdom Fall:

I was feeling like Nathan was posting this for a reason, maybe about himself?

That isn't a feeling, thats a story. What did you feel?

I was feeling sad and embarrassed at the time and when I saw the title for this post it looked like something interesting. When I saw his post I think I got a little more depressed. I felt a little angry too at the post's reference to Christianity because I completely block the thought of something like god existing and so much talk about Christianity in the post offended me.

 Don't you owe Nathan an apology then? You were trying to manage your anxiety through him.

Mm yea I do, sorry Nathan. Thanks Cogito. I feel pretty happy now.

Kingdom Fall:

ash:

Kingdom Fall:

I was feeling like Nathan was posting this for a reason, maybe about himself?

That isn't a feeling, thats a story. What did you feel?

I was feeling sad and embarrassed at the time and when I saw the title for this post it looked like something interesting. When I saw his post I think I got a little more depressed. I felt a little angry too at the post's reference to Christianity because I completely block the thought of something like god existing and so much talk about Christianity in the post offended me.

So it was that I mentioned the word Christianity a couple of times or was it the content of what I said about it? 

Kingdom Fall:

Mm yea I do, sorry Nathan. Thanks Cogito. I feel pretty happy now.

No big deal, the main point of the post was about "not perfect" being used as an excuse for cruel parents.

black belts all around!

wonderfully done. 

We are learning!

See edit.

I was in a fairly irritable state so  it was just the word that offended me.  I liked the content and was genuinely wondering what it was about in a curious way but used the discussion with people to vent while I should have used a separate way to do so, so as not to get in the way of my curiosity and discussions.